The Complete Set Of Blonde Joke




  1.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain
       A:   Gifted
 
  2.   Q:   How do blonde braincells die
       A:   Alone
 

  3.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells
       A:   Pregnant
 
  4.   Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde
       A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down
 
  5.   Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette
       A:   Artificial intelligence
 
  6.   Q:   How does a blonde part their hair
       A1:  (Action of scissoring legs apart       
       A2:  By doing the splits
 
  7.   Q:   Why aren't blondes good cattle herders
       A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together
 
  8.   Q:   What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg
       A:   Nothing.  They've never met
 
  9.   Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink
       A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables
 
  10.  Q:   When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain
       A:   After a dye job
 
  11.  Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane
       A1:  She'd just dyed her hair
       A2:  She'd just blow dried her hair 
            and she didn't want it blown around too much
 
  12.  Q:   Why do blondes wear their hair up
       A:   To catch everything that goes over their heads
 
  13.  Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger
       A:   You can park in the handicap zone
 
  14.  Q:   What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment
       A:   An IN-body experience
 
  15.  Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle
       A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back
 
  16.  Q:   What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed 
            in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common
       A:   Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked
 
  17.  Q:   What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme
       A:   Humpme Dumpme
 
  18.  Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up
       A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear
 
  19.  Q:   How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle
       A:   Shine a torch in her ears
 
  20.  Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks
       A:   It takes too long to retrain them
 
  21.  Q1   How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer
       A:   There's white-out on the screen
       Q2:  How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer
       A:   There's writing on the white-out
 
  22.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer
       A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once
 
  23.  Q:   What do a blonde and your computer have in common
       A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you 
            until they go down on you
 
  24.  Q:   What did the blonde think of the new computer
       A:   She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9
 
  25.  Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads
       A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno
 
  26.  Q:   How do you kill a blonde
       A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads
 
  27.  Q:   How do blondes pierce their ears
       A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads
 
  28.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jello
       A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water 
            into those little packages
 
  29.  Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head
       A:   All you can eat, under a buck
 
  30.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat pickles
       A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar
 
  31.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat bananas
       A1:  They can't find the zipper
       A2:  They cant find the pull tab
 
  32.  Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earrings
       A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles
 
  33.  Q:   Why do blondes where big hoop earrings
       A:   To put their feet through
 

  34.  Q:   What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive
       A:   Her ankles
 
  35.  Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick
       A:   Because red means stop
 
  36.  Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick
       A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole.
 
  37.  Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator
       A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers
 
  38.  Q:   Why don't blondes use vibrators
       A:   They chip their teeth
 
  39.  Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear
       A:   They make good ankle warmers
 
  40.  Q:   What do blondes do for foreplay
       A:   Remove their underwear
 
  41.  Q:   Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black
                mini skirts
       A:   Cause their balls show
 
  42.  Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde
       A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!
 
  43.  Q:   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde
       A:   (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!
 
  44.  Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing
       A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
 
  45.  Q:   What's a brunette's mating call
       A:   Has that blonde gone yet
       A2:  When is that blonde bitch going to leave!
       A3: "All the blondes have gone home!
 
  46:  Q:   Why do blondes drive BMWs
       A:   Because they can spell it
 
  47.  Q:   Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and
                Services Tax now in effect in Canada
       A:   Because they can spell it
 
  48.  Q:   What is 74 to a blonde
       A:   69 plus G.S.T
 
  49.  Q:   Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes
       A:   Toes Go In First
 
  50.  Q:   Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts
       A:   Tits Go In Front
 
  51.  Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side
       A:   An interpreter
 
  52.  Q:   What do you call a blonde between two brunettes
       A:   A mental block
 
  53.  Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind
       A1:  Blow in her ear
       A2:  Buy her another beer
 
  54.  Q:   What do you say to a blonde that won't give in
       A:   "Have another beer.
 
  55.  Q:   What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning
       A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work
 
  56.  Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning
       A1:  Introduces themself
       A2:  Walks home
 
  57.  Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning
       A:   Fertilized
 
  58.  Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs
       A:   Unfertilized
 
  59.  Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex
       A:   Opens the car door
 
  60.  Q:   How do blondes turn the light on after sex
       A:   Kick open the car door
 
  61.  Q:   Why do blondes like tilt steering
       A:   More head room
 
  62.  Q:   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs
       A:   More leg room
 
  63.  Q:   What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde
       A:   Bucket seats
 
  64.  Q:   What do blondes say after sex
       A1:  "Thanks, Guys!
       A2:  "Are you boys all in the same band?
       A3:  Do you guys all play for the team name 
       A4:  Who were all those guys
 
  65.  Q:   Why is a blonde like a door knob
       A:   Because everybody gets a turn
 
  66.  Q:   Why is a blonde like railroad tracks
       A:   Because she's been laid all over the country
 
  67.  Q:   What important question does a blonde ask her 
            mate before having sex
       A:   Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate
 
  68.  Q:   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm
       A:   *Who cares?
 
  69.  Q:   Why do blondes have orgasms
       A:   So they know when to stop having sex
 
  70.  Q:   How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm
       A1:  She drops her nail-file
       A2:  Who cares
       A3:  She says, "Next"
       A4:  The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
       A5:  He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
       A6:  I mean, who really cares
       A7:  The batteries have run out
 
  71.  Q:   What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear
       A:   "Thanks for the refill!
 
  72.  Q:   What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear
       A:   Data transfer
 
  73.  Q:   Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings
       A:   So the crabs can go bungee-jumping
 
  74.  Q:   How can you tell which blonde is the waitress
       A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, 
            wondering what she did with her pencil
 
  75.  Q:   What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
            (reading her nametag) 
       A:   "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?
 
  76.  Q:   Why do blondes have more fun
       A1:  Because they don't know any better
       A2:  They are easier to keep amused
 
  77.  Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb
       A1:  "What's a lightbulb?
       A2:  One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her
       A3:  Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!
 
  78.  Q:   What's a blonde's favourite wine
       A:   "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!
 
  79.  Q:   What do you call a basement full of blondes
       A:   A wine cellar
 
  80.  Q:   Why are there no dumb brunettes
       A:   Peroxide
 
  81.  Q:   Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes
       A:   They're doing research on black holes
 
  82.  Q:   What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common
       A1:  They both have a black box
       A2:  Both have a cockpit
 
  83.  Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a 747
       A:   Not everyone has been in a 747
 
  84.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine
       A:   Not everybody has been in a limo
 
  85.  Q:   What does a blonde say when she gives birth
       A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine
 
  86.  Q:   What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant
       A:   "Are you sure it's mine?
 
  87.  Q:   What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear
       A:   A wind tunnel
 
  88.  Q:   What do you call 15 blondes in a circle
       A:   A dope ring
 
  89.  Q:   Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde 
            are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.  Who 
            picks it up
       A1:  The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as
             Santa Claus, 
            the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde
       A2:  None of them.  There is no such thing as Santa Claus, 
            the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought 
             it was a gum wrapper
 
  90.  Q:   Why did the blonde scale the glass wall
       A:   To see what was on the other side
 
  91.  Q:   What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you
       A:   Pull the pin and throw it back
 
  92.  Q:   Why do blondes take the pill
       A:   So they know what day of the week it is
 
  93.  Q:   Why did the blonde stop using the pill
       A:   Because it kept falling out
 
  94.  Q:   Why did the blonde have a sore navel
       A:   Because her boyfriend was also blond
 
  95.  Q:   If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, 
            who hits the ground first
       A:   The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions
 
  96.  Q:   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease
       A:   Her IQ goes up
 
  97.  Q:   What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde
       A:   A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys
 
  98.  Q:   Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche
       A:   You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend
 
  99.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush
       A:   You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush
 
  100. Q:   What is the difference between butter and a blonde
       A:   Butter is difficult to spread
 
  101. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball
       A1:  You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball
       A2:  You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball
       A3:  There is no difference. They're both round and have 
            three holes to poke
       A4:  You don't eat your bowling bal
 
  102. Q:   What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common
       A:   Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter
 
  103. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"
       A:   They know how many men went down on "The Titanic"
 
  104. Q:   What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot
       A:   Bigfoot has been spotted
 
  105. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone
       A:   It costs 30 cents to use a telephone
 
  106. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a guy
       A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count
 
  107. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old
                 Duke of York
       A:   The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men
 
  108. Q:   Why is a washing machine better than a blonde
       A:   Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, 
            and it won't follow you around for a week
 
  109. Q:   What do blondes and cow-pats have in common
       A:   They both get easier to pick-up with age
 
  110. Q:   What does a screen door and a blonde have in common
       A:   The more you bang it, the looser it gets
 
  111. Q:   What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common
       A:   They're both empty from the neck up
 
  112. Q:   What do blondes and spaghetti have in common
       A:   They both wriggle when you eat them
 
  113. Q:   Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper
       A:   So she could lip read
 
  114. Q:   What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common
       A:   They both have black roots
 
  115. Q:   What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head
       A:   Sweet Fuck All..
 
  116. Q:   How do you drown a blonde
       A1:  Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool
       A2:  Don't tell her to swallow
       A3:  Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
 
  117. Q:   Why did the blonde drown in the pool
       A:   Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
 
  118. Q:   Why do blondes have square boobs
       A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box
 
  119. Q:   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies
       A1:  10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties
       A2:  Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit
       A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms

 
  120. Q:   How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping
       A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard
 
  121. Q:   What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date
       A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home
 
  122. Q:   What's the blonde's cheer
       A:   " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
              I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...
 
  123. Q:   What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for
                  her thoughts
       A:   Change
 
  124. Q:   How does a blonde moonwalk
       A:   She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor
 
  125. Q:   Why do blondes find it difficult to marry
       A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex
 
  126. Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla
       A:   Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do
 
  127. Q:   Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers
                 every month
       A:   Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds.
 
  128. Q:   How did the blonde try to kill the bird
       A:   She threw it off a cliff
 
  129. Q:   How does a blonde kill a fish
       A:   She drowns it
 
  130. Q:   Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her 
            jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months
       A:   Because on the box it said From 2-4 years
 
  131. Q:   What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs
       A:   "Nice tits!
 
  132. Q:   How does a blonde high-5
       A:   She smacks herself in the forehead
 
  133. Q:   How do you amuse a blonde for hours
       A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
 
  134. Q:   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts
       A:   Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor
 
  135. Q:   Why do blondes have legs
       A1:  So they don't get stuck to the ground
       A2:  To get between the bedroom and the kitchen
       A3:  So they don't leave trails, like little snails
 
  136. Q:   Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then
              turn around and come home
       A:   It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking 
            was a television
 
  137. Q:   What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina
       A1:  The blonde
       A2:  The other guys waiting their turn
 
  138. Q:   How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots
       A:   Flattered
 
  139. Q:   Why do blondes always die before help arrives
       A:   They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1"
 
  140. Q:   What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever
            been picked up by "the fuzz"
       A:   "No. But I've been swung around by the tits.
 
  141. Q:   What do you call a swimming po ol full of blondes
       A:   Frosted Flakes
 
  142. Q:   What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer
       A:   Frosted Flakes
 
  143. Q:   How does a blonde interpret 6.9
       A:   A 69 interrupted by a period
 
  144. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde having her
             period and a terrorist
       A:   You can negotiate with a terrorist
 
  145. Q:   What did the blonde say when she looked into a
                  box of Cheerios
       A:   "Oh look!  Donut seeds!
 
  146. Q:   Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow
       A1:  So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits
       A2:  So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo
 
  147. Q:   Why don't blondes breast feed
       A:   Because they always burn their nipples
 
  148. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde lesbian
       A:   She kept having affairs with men
 
  149. Q:   Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails
       A:   To cover up the valve stem
 
  150. Q:   What did the blonde name her pet zebra
       A:   Spot
 
  151. Q:   What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head
       A:   A Space Invader
 
  152. Q:   What's a blondes' favourite rock group
       A:   Air Supply
 
  153. Q:   What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes
       A:   The back of her head
 
  154. Q:   Why do blondes drive VW's
       A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE
 
  155. Q:   How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings
       A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night
 
  156. Q:   Why did God create blondes
       A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge
       Q:   Why did God create brunettes
       A:   Neither could the blondes
 
  157. Q:   What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case
       A:   Branch Manager
 
  158. Q:   How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves
       A:   She fell out of the tree
 
  159. Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids
       A1:  So they know if it is morning or afternoon
       A2:  So that when they're on the train they can tell 
            if they're going to work or coming home
 
  160. Q:   Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling
       A:   A blonde electrician
 
  161. Q:   Why are dumb blonde jokes so short
       A1:  So brunettes can remember them
       A2:  Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit
       A3:  So men can understand them
 
  162. Q:   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde
       A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children
 
  163. Q:   What do you call a smart blonde
       A1:   A golden retriever
       A2:  A labrador
       A3:  An indicator of a really bad hangover
 
  164. Q:   Why are blondes hurt by people's words
       A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries
 
  165. Q:   Why do blondes have periods
       A:   They deserve them
 
  166. Q:   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute
       A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally
 
  167. Q:   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the 
                 marriage aisle
       A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob
 
  168. Q:   What did the blonde do when she got her period
       A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her
 
  169. Q:   Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"
       A:   She liked to be filled with cream
 
  170. Q:   What did the blonde say to the physicist
       A:   "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?
 
  171. Q:   Why are blondes like cornflakes
       A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good
 
  172. Q:   How does a blonde hold her liquor
       A:   By the ears
 
  173. Q:   How do you know when a blonde has been making 
            chocolate chip cookies
       A:   You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor
 
  174. Q:   How do you drive a blonde crazy
       A:   Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them
 
  175. Q:   What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory
       A:   Proofreading
 
  176. Q:   Do you know why the blonde got fired from the 
                 M&M factory
       A:   For throwing out the W's
 
  177. Q:   Why did the blonde try to steal a police car
       A:   She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche
 
  178. Q:   What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet
       A:   Last year's hide and seek champ
 
  179. Q:   How do you get a blonde pregnant
       A:   Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest
 
  180. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde track team 
            and a tribe of sly pygmies
       A:   One's a bunch a cunning runts
 
  181. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and the 
                 Suez/Panama Canal
       A:   One's a busy ditch
 
  182. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet
       A:   A toilet won't follow you around after you use it
 
  183. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster
       A:   In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", 
            while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo.
 
  184. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a 
                 supermarket trolley
       A:   The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own
 
  185. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and your job
       A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months
 
  186. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline
       A:   You take off your shoes before using a trampoline
 
  187. Q:   What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, 
            and a blonde
       A:   The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?
            The nympho says, "Are you done already?
             The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.
 
  188. Q:   How do you get a blonde to marry you
       A:   Tell her she's pregnant
       Q:   What will she ask you
       A:   "Is it mine?
 
  189. Q:   What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel
       A:   An air bag
 
  190. Q:   Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel 
            after a blonde drives a car
       A:   Cause she blows the horn
 
  191. Q:   What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on
       A:   It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off
 
  192. Q:   Why did the blonde drive into the ditch
       A:   To turn the blinker off
 
  193. Q:   What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,
                 VROOM, SCREECH
       A:   A blonde going through a flashing red light
 
  194. Q:   What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,  
            varoom...screech, varoom...screech.....
       A:   A blonde trying to drive through an intersection  with a 
            flashing red light
 
  195. Q:   Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach
       A:   So her male would get delivered to the right box
 
  196. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found 
            frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater
       A:   They went to see "Closed for the Winter"
 
  197. Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is dating
       A:   By the buckle print on her forehead
 
  198. Q:   How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend
       A:   He's the one with the belt buckle the matches 
            the impression in her forehead
 
  199. Q:   What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment
       A:   She can't say "No"
 
  200. Q:   What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a
                 Puerto Rican
       A:   Retardo
 
  201. Q:   What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning
       A:   A visitor
 
  202. Q:   Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears
       A:   So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides
 
  203. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde works in an office
       A:   A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' 
              faces
 
  204. Q:   Why can't blondes put in light bulbs
       A:   They keep breaking them with the hammers
 
  205. Q:   What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde
       A:   Perri-air
 
  206. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde coyote
       A:   Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck
 
  207. Q:   Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor
       A:   She thought it was pregnant because missed a period
 
  208. Q:   When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head
       A:   When you have a tire pump to reinflate it
 
  209. Q:   What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station
       A:   The Air Pump
 
  210. Q:   How do you measure a blonde's intelligence
       A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear
 
  211. Q:   Why was the blonde upset when she got her 
                 Driver's License
       A:   Because she got an F in sex
 
  212. Q:   What do you call two nuns and a blonde
       A:   Two tight ends and a wide receiver
 
  213. Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road
       A1:  Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!
       A2:  I don't know
       R:   Neither did she
 
  214. Q:   Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air
       A:   She missed
 
  215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see 
       where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her
 
  216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland 
       when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". 
       After thinking for a minute, she said to herself 
       "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.  
       On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign 
       that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". 
       By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms
 
  217. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand
 
  218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.  
       The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
       The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?
 
  219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving 
       the wrong way on a one-way street
       Cop:      Do you know where you were going
       Blonde:   No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause 
       all the people were leaving
 
  220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway
          "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?
          "Driver's licence? What's that?...
          "It's a little card with your picture on it.
          "Oh, duh! Here it is...
          "May I have your car insurance?
          "What's that?...
          "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car.
          "Oh this? Duh! Here you go...
          The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, 
           while the blonde exclaims
          "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!
 
  221. Hubby:        As a start I think you should learn to "iron," 
                     then we could do without the ironing lady
       Blonde Wife:  Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly 
                     we could do without the gardener
 
  222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends
        Brunette:  Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row
        Blonde:  That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred
        Brunette:  My god! I had no idea he was that good
        Blonde:  ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy
 
  223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. 
        One of them decides to call 911
        Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing a 
                         light bulb
        Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb
        Blonde:   Yes
        Operator: The power in the house in on
        Blonde:   Of course
        Operator: And the switch is on
        Blonde:   Yes, yes
        Operator: And the bulb still won't light up
        Blonde:   No, it's working fine
        Operator: Then what's the problem
        Blonde:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around 
                  and we all fell and hurt ourselves
 
  224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?  
       He wanted to know who the other man was..
 
  225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, 
       a redhead, and a blonde.  The brunette looked over the water 
       to the mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore.  
       So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore."  
       So she swam out   five miles, and got really tired.  
       She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was 
       too tired to go on, so she drowned.  
       The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder 
       if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the 
       mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out.  
       The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, 
       as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.  
       After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.  
       So the blonde thought to herself,
       "I wonder if they made it!  I think I'd better try to make it, 
        too."  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, 
       NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore was just in sight, 
       but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So she swam back
 
  226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub 
       when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that 
       if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?
 
  227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one 
       looked down 
       and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."  The other blonde looks and 
       says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."  
       "No.  Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig,
       and one half hour later they were both killed by a train
 
  228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked 
       what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped 
       her.Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded 
       to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: 
       "No,ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. 
        But he says I can't cook.
 
  229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door 
        of their Mercedes with a coat hanger
       Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked
       Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, 
                 its starting to rain and the top is down
 
  230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird 
       flying overhead.  Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was 
       directly over her.  The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth 
       open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!
       Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly.
 
  231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.   When she got to the 
       Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come 
        into Heaven, you have to pass a test.
       "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy
       "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter
       The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!
       "That's interesting...  What made you say that?" said Saint Pete
       Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks with me
       Andy tells me...
 
  232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out 
       a book called "How to Hug"?  Got back to the dorm and found out it 
       was volume seven of the encyclopaedia..
 
  233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!"
          "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!
 
 
  234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked 
        the bartender
       Brunette: "I'll have a B and C.
       Bartender:"What is a B and C?"
       Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke.
       Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T.
       Bartender: "What's a G and T?
       Redhead: "Gin and tonic.
       Blonde: "I'll have a 15.
       Bartender: "What's a 15?
       Blonde: "7 and 7
 
  235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - 
       they just don't remember who with
 
  236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field 
       when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing 
       a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and said 
       "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"  
       To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew 
       how to swim I'd go out there and drown her.
 
  237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant 
        with the slogan "Billions Served - just today
 
  238. Q.  How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day
       A.  She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't 
           find her pencil
 
  239. Q:     Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists
       A:     The rest are hunt'n peckers
 
  240. Q:     What do you call a blond mother-in-law
       A:     An air bag
 
  241. Q:     Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee
       A:     It's too hard to re-train them
 
  242. Q:      What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men
       A:      Their heels
 
  243. Q:      Why don't blondes have elevator jobs
       A:      They don't know the route
 
  244. Q:      Why do blondes work seven days a week
       A:      So you don't have to retrain them on Monday
 
  245. Q:      What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board
       A:      It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board
 
  246. Q:   What is foreplay for a blonde
       A:   Thirty minutes of begging
 
  247. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet
       A:   Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once
 
  248. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth
       A1:  You need a quarter to use the phone
       A2:  Only one person can use the phone at once
 
  249. Q:   What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common
       A:   They've both swallowed a lot of semen
 
  250. Q:   What did the blonde say when she knocked over the 
            priceless Ming vase
       A:   "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt.
 
  251. Q:   How does a blonde commit suicide
       A:   She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off
 
  252. Q:   How do you plant dope
       A:   Bury a blonde
 
  253. Q:   Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses
       A:   Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets 
            during parades
 
  254. Q:  How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree
       A:  Wave to her
 
  255. Q:  How does a blonde measure his/her IQ
       A:  With a tire gauge!  (da da dum
 
  256. Q:  How does a blonde get pregnant
       A:  And I thought blondes were dumb
 
  257. Q:   What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS
       A:   A know-it-all bitch
 
  258. Q:   What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a 
            skinny blonde
       A:   One's a phony buck
 
  259. Q:   What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes 
            and a magician
       A:   A magician has a cunning array of stunts
 
  260. Q:   What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have
       A:   One that never misses a period
 
  261. Q:   What does a blonde think an innuendo is
       A:   An Italian suppository
 
  262. Q:   Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands
       A:   Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place
 
  263. Q:   What's the difference between having sex with a blonde 
            and eating Jell-o
       A:   Jell-o wiggles when you eat it
 
  264. Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer
       A1:  I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do
       A2:  Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't 
            stop until it gets blood
 
  265. Q:   Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses
       A:   She was having sunny periods
 
  266. Q:   What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant
       A:   Her feet
 
  267. Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose
       A:   When she farts, her knees bag
 
  268. Q:   What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist
       A:   Marriage
 
  269. Q:   How is a blonde like a frying pan
       A:   You have to get them hot before you put in the meat
 
  270. Q:   How do you describe the perfect blonde
       A:   3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on
 
  271. Q:   How do you confuse a blonde
       A:   You don't. They're born that way
 
  272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down
       A: Marry her
 
  273. Q:   How did the blonde die drinking milk
       A:   The cow fell on her
 
  274. Q:   How did the blonde burn her nose
       A:   Bobbing for french fries
 
  275. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries
       A:   She has a checkbook
 
  276. Q:   How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde
       A:   There is a stamp on it
 
  277. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook
       A:   She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece
 
  278. Q:   What's the difference between a pit bull and a 
            blonde with PMS
       A:   Lipstick
 
  279. Q:   Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom
       A:   So she can have a doggie bag for later
 
  280. Q:   Why do men like blonde jokes?
       A:   Because they can understand them
 
  281. Q:   Why do blondes like lightning
       A:   They think someone is taking their picture
 
  282. Q:   Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat 
            forehead
       A:   Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it
 
  283. Q:   Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces
       A:   From eating with forks
 
  284. Q:  Why do blondes have big bellybuttons
       A:  From dating blonde men
 
  285. Q:  Why do blondes wear tampons
       A:  Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too
 
  286. Q:   But why do brunettes take the pill 
       A:   Wishful Thinking
 
  287. Q:   Why don't blondes double recipes
       A:   The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees
 
  288. Q:   Why don't blondes make good pharmacists
       A:   They can't get the bottle into the typewriter
 
  289. Q:   Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency
       A1:  They can't remember the number
       A2:  She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons
 
  290. Q:   What do you call a blonde touching her toes
       A:   A brunette with bad breath
 
  291. Q:   What does a blonde make best for dinner
       A:   Reservations
 
  292. Q:  What do blondes do after they comb their hair
       A:  They pull up their pants
 
  293. Q:  What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool
       A:  Air bubbles
 
  294. Q:   What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde 
            standing on a street corner
       A:   4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks
 
  295. Q:   What do you call a blonde lesbian
       A:   A waste
 
  296. Q:   What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground
       A:   An air mattress
 
  297. Q:  What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW
       A:  Divorcee
 
  298. Q:   What do you call a hooker and four blondes
       A:   Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks
 
  299. Q:   What does a blonde owl say
       A:   What, what
 
  300. Q:   What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass
       A:   A brain tumor
 
  301. Q:  What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down
       A:  Two brunettes
 
  302. Q:   What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common
       A:   They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday
       Q2:   What's the difference between a blonde and
              President Gorbachev
       A:   He knows who the ten men were
 
  303. Q:   Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence
       A:   To see what was on the other side
 
  304. Q:   Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU
       A:   Too many blondes were drowning
 
  305. Q:   Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq
       A:   They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water
 
  306. Q:   Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back
       A:   From crawling across the street when the sign sai
          "DON'T WALK"
 
  307. Q:   Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat
       A:   In case she locks the keys in her car
 
  308. Q:   Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet
       A:   So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
 
  309. Q:  Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian
       A:  Because she loved children
 
  310. Q:  If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge
           who would die first
       A:  The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop 
           and ask for directions
 
  311. Q:  To a blonde, what is long and hard
       A:  Grade 4
 
  312.  What are the worst six years in a blonde's life
       A: Third Grade
 
  313. Q:  What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator
       A:  A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it
 
  314. Q:  What is the definition of gross ignorance
       A:  144 blondes
 
  315. Q:  Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds
       A:  Because at 69 they blow a rod..
 
  316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist
       A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters
 
  317. Q:   What is the definition of the perfect woman
       A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father
             owns a pub
 
  318. Q:   Why is a blonde like an old washing machine
       A:   They both drip when they're fucked
 
  319. Q:   How would a blond punctuate the following?
               "Fun fun fun worry worry worry
       A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry
 
  320. Q:   Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning
       A:   It swells at night
 
  321. Q:   A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.  
            She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?
       A:   The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!
 
  322. Q:   A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked 
            if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces
       A:   "Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces.
 
  323. Q:   What's a blonde's idea of safe sex
       A:   Locking the car door
 
  324. Q:   Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test
       A:   Because every time the door opened, she jumped into 
             the back seat
 
  325. Q:   What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents 
            occur around the home
       A:   She moved
 
  326. Q:   What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty
       A:   A blonde parade
 
  327. Q:   Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold
       A:   They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out
 
  328. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her 
            husband's car
       A:   She burned her lips on the tailpipe
 
  329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting
       She told me she didn't know how to cook them
 
  330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
       In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
       wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelledou
       "GREEN SIDE UP!"  In the second room she told the painter 
       she would like it painted in a soft yellow.  He wrote this on his pad, 
       walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
       The lady  was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
       In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
       color.The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, 
       opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!
        The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?
        "I'm sorry," came the reply.  "But I have a crew of blondes laying
        sod across the street.
  
  331. Did you hear about the blonde who
        1  had more on her body than on her mind
 
       2  was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient
           in the bean
 
       3  took an hour to cook Minute Rice
 
       4  got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up
 
       5  was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient
 
       6  7  had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs
 
       8  thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates
 
       9  was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't 
          have a crazy cat
 
       10  after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they 
           didn't get talle girls
 
       11  went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker
 
       12  brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam
 
 
  332.    Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
             arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
             know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
             on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be 
             boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says
             "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!
 
 
  333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist 
          having pre-nata checkups 
          The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
          baby concieved ?
          "He was on top ", she replyed
          "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed
           The second woman was asked the same question
          "I was on top ", was the reply
          "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor
          With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears
          "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc
          "Am I going to have puppies ?"....
 
 
  334. Blondes..
        They take a lickin', and keep on..
         Lickin
 
 
  335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that 
       "love handles referred to her ears"
 
 
  336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up
 
 
  337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas
          coming out at the same time.  A beautiful blond woman jumps
          into one and take off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.
         About three minutes latter she reappears at the car wash yelling,
         who ripped off my car phone!

  338.  This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.
            Hi boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while,
            and "can you handle it?"  The new employee is somewhat
            reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees
            A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she
            can practice safe sex).  She walks up to the pharmicist and asks
           "How much for a box of rubbers?
           "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax.
           "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on.
 
 
  339. Another blonde, another store.  She goes over to the deodorant 
          display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my 
          husband.
          "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk
          "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms.
 
 
  340. Another blonde in the porno shop
        She asks, "How much for the white dildo?
        He answers, "$35.
        She:  "How much for the black one?
        He:   "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.
        She:  "I think I'll take the black one.  I've never had a black on
                  before.
        She pays him, and off she goes
        A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much
       for the black dildo?
        He:  "$35.
        She: "How much for the white one?
        He:  "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.
        She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one.  I've never had a white
                  one before...
       She pays him, and off she goes
       About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks,
       "How much are your dildos?
       He:  "$35 for the white, $35 for the black.
       She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?
       He:  "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165.
       She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've
        never had a plaid one before....
        She pays him, and off she goes
        Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while 
        I was gone?
       To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one
         white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!
 
 
  341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex
          with a blond he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen
          for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself
          a glass of milk an right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood
          is still pretty hot so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then 
          the blonde walk in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you
          refilled those.
 
 
  342. Blonde Medical Terminology
 
 
       Anally -- occurring yearly
 
       Artery -- study of painting
 
       Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
 
       Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fail
 
       Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.
 
       Caesarian section -- district in Rom
 
       Cat scan -- searching for kitt
 
       Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
 
       Colic -- sheep do
 
       Coma -- a punctuation mark
 
       Congenital -- friendly
 
       D&C -- where Washington is
 
       Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
 
       Dilate -- to live long
 
       Enema -- not a friend
 
       Fester -- quicker
 
       Fibula -- a small lip
 
       Genital -- non-Jewis
 
       G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
 
       Grippe -- suitcase
 
       Hangnail -- coathoot
 
       Impotent -- distinguished, well known
 
       Intense pain -- torture in a teeper
 
       Labour pain -- got hurt at work
 
       Medical staff -- doctor's can
 
       Morbid -- higher offer
 
       Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
 
       Node -- was aware on
 
       Outpatient -- person who had fainted
 
       Pap smear -- fatherhood test
 
       Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
 
       Post operative -- letter carrier
 
       Protein -- favouring young people
 
       Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
 
       Recovery room -- place to do upholsters
 
       Rheumatic -- amorous
 
       Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
 
       Secretion -- hiding anything
 
       Seizure -- Roman emperor
 
       Serology -- study of knighthood
 
       Tablet -- small table
 
       Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
 
       Tibia -- country in North Africa
 
       Tumour -- an extra pain
 
       Urine -- opposite of you're out
 
       Varicose -- located nearby
 
       Vein -- conceite
 
 
  343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID
 
          A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
              packet
 
 
  344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant
 
           A: Blow in her ear
 
 
  345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress
 
           A: To keep her ankles warm
 
  A2: To keep her neck war
 
 
  346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day
 
          A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
              she did with her cigarette
 
 
  347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms
 
          A: Way to go team
 
 
  348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator
 
          A: By the chipped tooth
 
 
  349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense
 
          A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.
 
 
  350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads
 
          A: To keep from bruising their ears
 
 
  352. Why does a blonds bra say T.G.I.F
 
           Tits go in first
 
 
  352.  Q:     Why do blondes have vaginas
 
           A:     So guys will talk to them at parties
  
  353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle
 
          A: Rebel without a clue
 
 
  354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE
 
          A: Full
 
 
  355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling.
 
        (Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
 
 
  356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES  BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES
 
        A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples
 
 
  357.  Q: What does a blonde answer to the question 
           "Are you sexually active?
 
       A: "No, I just lie there.
 
 
  358.  Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning
 
        A: "Thanks, guys...
 
 
  359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM
               OF THE POOL
           A: AIR POCKETs
 
 
  360.  Q:     Why do blondes hate M&Ms

 
        A:     They're too hard to peel
 
 
  361  Q:     What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute
                   and her four blonde friends
 
          A:     Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks
 
 
  362.  Q:     What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
 
                    surgery on a blonde
 
            A:     "Space. The final frontier......
 
 
  363.  Q:     How many blondes does it take to screw the entire 
                    Bengal team
 
           A:     Just One... Boomer Esiason
 
 
  364.  Q:     What's brown and red and black and blue
 
           A:     A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes
 
 
  365.  Q:     What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner
 
           A:     You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms
 
 
  366.  Q:     Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer
 
           A:     So she could keep the refriderator cold
 
 
  367.  Q:     How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the 
                    Toronto Maple Leafs
 
            A:     She fell out of the tree
 
 
  368.  Q:     What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it
 
          A:     A thought
 
 
 369.  Q:     How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek
 
           A:     One
 
 
  370.  Q:     Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN 
 
           A:     She didn't know what ONE came first..
 
 
  371.  Q:     Why don't blondes talk when having sex
 
         A1:     Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers
 
         A2:     Their mothers told them not with there mouths full
 
 
  372.  Q:     What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone
 
          A:     Divorced
 
 
 373.  Q:     What do you call a blonde without an asshole
 
         A:     Divorced
 
 
  374.  A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.  The brunette
           said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave
           him "Head and shoulders" and it cleared it up.  The blonde asked
           inquisitively "How do you give shoulders?
 

  375.  Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage
 
  Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week
 
  Person 1: Wrong.  You tie the garbage up before you take it out
 
 
  376.  Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit
 
  A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
 
     blow dryer
 
 
 
  377.  Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp
 
  A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way
 
 
 
  378  Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde
          A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night
 
 
  379.   Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new
             bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed
             a liquor license "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar.
             That's disgusting!
  
 
  380.  Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections
 
           A: A wine and cheese party
 
 
  381.  Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence 
 
           A: She wasn't used to the front seat
 
 
  382.  (Visual Joke)
 
  Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time
 
  A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions
 
 
  383.  Q:   What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10
 
  A:   She picks up her purse and goes home
 
 
  384.  Q:   Where do blondes go to meet their relatives
 
  A:   The vegetable garden
 
 
  385.  Q:   How many blondes does it take to play tag
 
  A:   One
 
 
  386.  Q:   What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blond
 
       and a Schwinn at the side of the road
 
  A:   One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . 
 
 
  387.  Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.
 
  Blonde: I don't know. Why
 
  Teller: It was easier to spell
 
  Blonde: Easier than what
 
 
  388.  Q:   Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian
 
       A:   She liked kids..
 
 
  389. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon
 
  A: Far-from-thinki
 
 
  390. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean
 
  A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna
 
 
  391.  Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer
 
  A: She slipped off and fell down the drain
 
 
  392. A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school
 
 
  She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform
  the  Hymenlic
 
  Manuever
 
 
  393. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver
 
  A: She missed the Earth
 
 
 
  394.  Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common
 
  A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one
 
 


  395.
    BULLETIN NO. 91-9
 
    -----------------
 
 
  DATE:     January 7, 199
 
  TO:       All Ohio Insurance Agent
 
  FROM:     Ohio Department of Insuranc
 
  SUBJECT:  Automobile Dimmer Switche
 
  Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97-12,
  all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992,
  will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the 
  floorboard.  The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position
 accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot.  
 The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals 
   to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion
  Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other vehicles
  with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted
  with floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above.
  The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or
  removed from the vehicle.
  Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming
 Ohio Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date
  It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving public
  However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety.
  Ohio DMV Act 92-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent
  dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
  A recent study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nightime 
  Highway Traffic Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio
  Department of Motor Vehicles and the Ohio Department of Motor
  Vehicle Research.  It has shown that  96% of all Ohio nightime highway
  accidents are caused by a blonde getting
 
  her foot caught in the steering wheel.......
 
 
  396. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the
    plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency
    cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells
    "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?
 
 
  397.  Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant
 
  A: She sneezes
 
 
  398. Q:  What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade"
  was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov 
 
      A:  "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?
 
 
  399.  Q:  What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.
 
        A:  Nail polish
 
 
  400.  Q:  What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant
 
        A:  Take her to the petting zoo
 
 
  401.  Q:  How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof
 
        A:  Tell her that the drinks are on the house
 
 
  402.  Q:  What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen
                 headlamp
 
        A:  They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort
 
 
  403.  Q:  What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon
 
        A:  A vacant posession

 
 
  404.  Q:  What did the blonde's dentist find
 
        A:  Teeth in the cavity
 
 
  405.  Q:  What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly
                 over her ears
 
        A:  She's trying to hold on to a thought
 
 
  406.  Q:  WHat does a car fatality and a blonde have in common
 
        A:  Put either in a car and their fucked
 
 
  407.  Q:  What is a blonde's idea of safe sex
 
        A:  A padded dash
 
 
  408.  Q:  Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens
 
        A:  They couldn't find their eraser
 
 
  409.  Q:  What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde
 
        A:  To count to twenty-eight.  (Cycle of a period)
 
 
  410.  Q:  What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you
 
        A:  Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth
 
 
  411.  Q:  Why did the blonde cross the road
 
        A:  She wanted  to see the geese because she heard honking
 
 
 
       And the final
 
  412.  Q:   Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth
 
       A:   Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the 
            Blonde JokeList