The one thing that has been overlooked by the entire Quake society: First Aid.

I mean, haven't we all been lying there wounded, in gruesome pains, screaming for help, surrounded by morons who couldn't find their own ***** even if they had a map and a radar.

The Cnaetophs Clan is the first institution to educate quakers how to take care of their victims and above all, their clanmembers. Having read the instrucitions on this page and completed the following questions successfully, you are an authorized Quake physician. Remember that with this knowledge comes a great responsibility: You can no longer ignore the screams from wounded warriors... of course you could just put them out of their misery with yer boomstick, but that's really up to you. In 9 cases out of 10 it actually is advisable to do so, 'cause the ungrateful bastard's more than likely to come shootin' at you as soon as you're done healing the swine.

The Basics:

As soon as you find an unconcious quaker you should start bringing him/her back to life. Begin with artificial respiration as soon as possible. Remember: no tongues. We're not doing this for fun you know. Anyway you can do that later if 1) the quaker wakes up and really wants to kiss you back or 2) the quaker dies and don't have much to say about it.

	Correct.
	Wrong.

Ok, so now the person's breathing... hopefully. Anyway, if he/she's not breathing by now he/she's probably gone to a better place than e1m3... Assume for argument's sake that some serious breathing is going down. You don't have time to stick around and watch this person, right? So you have to leave your patient in a safe position so that he/she won't choke on his/her own tongue or vomits... unconcious people can do really stupid things sometimes... So here's how you place them:

	Correct.
	Wrong. Patient might inhale hazardous gas.

Got that? Very good! You are now ready for your final test: The S.C.Q.R. Quake Physician Bodypart Quizz! That's to make sure that when you've glued a gibbee together, he will wake up with the same bodyparts on the same places that he used to keep them. Just answer the simple questions below.

	What bodypart is this? a) A left arm b) A good one c) Dunno, can I have the gun?
	Where should you put this? a) In Don Tagliatelles bed b) On the shelf by my other prizes c) On mr Ogre's shoulders
	What's wrong with this picture? a) Players don't wear skirts b) Too much gamma correction c) Wrong crotch, too big... hey I could use that!
	How should you handle this bodypart? a) Put it in the freezer until someone wants it b) Heeeere Fido... got something for you c) Put in an ad under "Found bodyparts"
	What's this? a) a size 10 b) a size 13 c) Probably gore-tex
	What do you do when you find this? a) I run away and throw up b) I throw up and then run away c) I poke it with my boomstick to see what all the gooey parts reeeaaaally look like...

Done? Excellent. Please allow three years for your diploma to arrive by mail. Now, what are you waiting for? Go out there and heal the suckers you've blown apart. It's actually quite a good way to get extra frags: first you gib him, then you glue him together, then you gib him again, and so on...