Shit Happens
| Taoism: Shit happens. | Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens". |
| Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. | Hinduism: This shit has happened before. |
| Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. | Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. |
| Zen Buddhism 2: What is the sound of shit happening? | Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it |
| Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. | Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen |
| Islam 2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible. | Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it. |
| Islam 3: If shit happens, blame Israel. | Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. | Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work. |
| Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. | Congregationalist - and Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another. |
| Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again (Amen!) | Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday. |
| Fundamentalism 2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay. | Creationism: God made all shit. |
| Fundamentalism 3: Shit must be born again. | Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. |
| Christian Science: When shit happen, don't call a doctor - pray. | Christian Science 2: Shit happening is all in your mind. |
| Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. | Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit. |
| Utopianism: This shit does not stink. | Capitalism: That's my shit. |
| Darwinism: This shit was once food. | Communism: It's everybody's shit. |
| Feminism: Men are shit. | Chauvanism: We may be shit, but you can't live whithout us... |
| Commercialism: Let's package this shit. | Idolism: Let's bronze this shit. |
| Impressionism: From a distance, this shit looks like a garden. | Stoicism: This shit is good for me. |
| Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen, shit IS. | Mormonism: God sent us this shit. |
| Existentialism 2: What is shit anyway? | Mormonism 2: This shit is going to happen again. |
| Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening! | Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock. Shit happens. | Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses 2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit? | Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses 3: Shit has been prophesied and only the righteous shall survive its happening. | Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit. |
| Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time. | Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time. |
| Agnostic: Shit might have happened, then again, maybe not. | Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS. |
| Agnostic 2: Did someone shit? | Atheism: What shit? |
| Agnostic 3: What is this shit? | Atheism 2: I can't believe this shit! |
| Nihilism: No shit. |