From bara ALLT #2
The first time I heard la Solitude I was honestly quite doubtful. The arrangements were weird and the vocals
even more weird, in other words, I didn´t like it. But since I ´d heard so much good about this band I thought I
had to give them a 2nd chance. And so I did, and beneath all that obscurity I found beauty. Not beauty in its
traditional form but a dark, twisted kind of beauty, and I was (and still am) in love. Once you have discovered
the brilliance of l.S there´s no letting go. And later on, after a couple of months of correspondence, when I´d
found out what a fascinating person Brandy is, I made up my mind to interview her. A couple of weeks after I
had sent her the interview I got a letter saying she didn´t want to answer all my questions, just the ones she
found interesting, and at that time I was quite sure this interview wasn´t going to be any good. But oh, how
wrong I was, she really amazed me and took the time to answer my, to be honest, not so interesting questions.
Well, it´s time for me to quit babbling and for you to read this interview. So let´s get on with the 1st question,
concerning fanzines. When I sent her a copy of the first (and last) issue of my fanzine Dark Divinity , she had
some objections to it, and of course I was dying to know what she thinks a good fanzine should contain (I bet it
isn´t humour anyway)?
-”HUMOUR!!! Now look here young man! I’ve not spent a lifetime cultivating this serious image of grief,
loneliness, sorrow etc., just to throw it away by appearing in a flimsy, superficial, HUMOROUS mag. Do you
really think I would let my audience know just what a silly , whimsical, childish creature I really am? Well think
again. Life is a lie down and don’t get up again tragedy. A good fanzine should reflect this.
To my mind, the best way to do so would be to publish a chord analysis of ”Hotel California” by the Eagles. A
really good fanzine should also feature an essay on the disgusting, filthy, depravity and blatant sexism in the
lyrics of Jarvis Cocker (with comments from the Great spiritual leader, Michael Jackson).
And since the world is such a ugly place, why not illustrate this with a feature on Kajsa Mellgren´s wardrobe (in
full colour of course). And in case you have not yet noticed, my dear readers, it should also feature an interview
with an artist who is a master in the art of irony.”
Hmm, I wonder where I can find a master of irony, I´ve heard that they´re quite rare these days. Well if I keep
looking I might find one for my next issue. I hope that´s ok with you Brandy.
ARRANGEMENTS
On ”Call My Demons” Brandy teamed up with Fredrik Ekström, and together they composed the music. But a
while ago, Fredrik moved to Skövde, and I was wondering, will they ever compose music together again?
-”You´ve got it all wrong. Fredrik did not move to Skövde. He´s always lived there. He came down here for a
while to study electronics, and since we´re old friends and he and his wife Marika (who plays the flute on 3
tracks) have always liked my music, we teamed up to do ”Call My Demons”. It was understood from the first this
was a short-term project. I loved working with Fredrik. He´s very good at creating moods and understands that
the song is what´s important, not any individual achievement on an instrument. He is however, a very good
guitarist. He plays in Kracklites. They sound nothing at all like us but they´re a damn good band and one of my
favourite live acts. Unless they´re cursed with bad luck I think they´re going to be a force to be reckoned with on
the Swedish music scene in the near future. If we had the opportunity, I would love to arrange material with him
again. That´s what we did. We arranged the material and we had equal (or almost equal) say about the finished
product. But the songs are mine. I´ve always written on my own and I shall continue to do so. I´m not saying that
arrangements are not important. Of course they are. But they are not as important as songs. A song does not need
an arrangement to be any good. It stands on its own. An arrangement is nothing without a song. Well, this
depends on how you write music of course. Sometimes it´s impossible to separate the arrangement from the song.
So it´s not always true. But if you´re talking about my music, that´s the way it is. I like to arrange the material
with other people. Sometimes they come up with ideas I never would have thought of. Like the bass on ”This
Scent Of Roses”. That´s Fredrik´s work, and that´s a very essential part of the finished result. But sometimes I
don’t even remember who came up with what idea. Some of the violin-arrangements were done by Elisabeth,
others by me, and yet others were based on old synthesiser arrangements from a previous incarnation of la
Solitude. Most of the backing vocal arrangements are based on my ideas but at least half the credit of the finished
result should go to the vocalists. Sometimes, though not very often, I tell people exactly what to play or sing. But
most of the time I just sort of give them a general idea of what I´m after. On ”This Scent...” I wanted the soprano
to emulate an orchestra tuning up. It never even occurred to me that someone could actually sing something like
that. So I asked Anna-Lena to sing just this one tone through the entire verse, and then we tried to get the effect
by changing the pitch while recording. It didn´t sound very good so Anna-Lena said ”But if that´s what you want,
why don’t I just sing it that way?” And she did. And it was exactly what I´d been looking for though I had no idea
of how it should be accomplished. So it´s team-work really, even though me and Fredrik were in charge.
Everyone adds their little bits and pieces and it´s impossible to say exactly who should have credit for what. But
no one but me has had anything to do with the songs. With whom I shall work in the future? I don’t know. I´ll
work with anyone who likes my music and is interested in helping me getting my ideas across. The latest
recording, which will probably be released on Moriensis Productions forthcoming compilation, was made with
members from Dark Side Cowboys. We didn´t have time to record more than one song but it´s a good one. We
used piano for the first time. I´ve wanted to do that for a long time. And of course we have a violin. The violin is
definitely my favourite instrument. Any band with a violin stands a good chance of making an impression on me.
Last year I fell in love with DEUS, Pulp and Tindersticks. Those bands don’t have very much in common except
violins. I have a decisive weakness for that instrument and ever since I first heard Velvet ( must´ve been at least
20 years ago) I´ve wanted my songs adorned with it. I also love working with voices. Not necessarily beautiful
sopranos. Some of the weird ugly backing vocals me and Erla did on ”In A Handful Dust” are among my
favourites. And I´m always on the lookout for interesting voices.”
Hmm, I wonder if I should send her a sample of my strong, yet so false voice. Nah, I don’t think that´s a good
idea, the world has already got GES(Glenmark, Eriksson, Strömstet, three Swedish, rather boring solo artists
that teamed up an made a success, which is rather strange because they suck!) , we don’t need 2 super-groups,
do we!?
THE CORE OF HAPPINESS
When you listen to la Solitude you get the impression that the composer is a very melancholic person, so I felt I
had to ask the composer, in other words Brandy, what makes her happy and what she does when she´s happy?
Maybe she takes a walk through the park. Well we´re about to find out, because here´s her answer.
-”To answer this I must first give my definition of happiness. There are so many ways to use that word. The most
perfect happiness I´ve ever known is a state of mind when I feel absolutely wild and free and at the same time
totally at peace. The perfect happiness is imperfect. It must contain a little melancholia. I must be acutely aware
that this is now and it wont last. And I must pay for it. ”Value for money, value for fear, value for longing, value
for tears, whenever we´re dancing way out here”. (A quotation from the famous la Solitude song ”Whenever
we´re dancing” -JL) You always KNOW it´s worth it. But you don’t always FEEL it. The perfect happiness is
when you do feel it and you know it´s been worth every damn tear. You know you will never settle for anything
less and as long as there is even the slightest chance you will reach this state again, you´ll be there waiting. Or at
least I will. In 1923 a French couple, Albert and Germaine Liebaut, shot themselves just six days after their
wedding, leaving a note explaining: ”We have lots of money, good health and we adore each other. In fact we´re
so happy we´ve decided we never want to be anything else”. Now I could never do anything like that. I have a
very strong instinct of survival. But I understand it and I almost admire it. Sure, they may have missed out on a
lot of good things but so what? They didn´t live to regret it. Happiness is much, much closer to death than misery
and killing yourself when you´re happy makes much more sense than doing it when you´re miserable. You´re
certainly not afraid of death when you´re real happy. I´ve not been that high up very often. It´s not supposed to
happen very often. It wouldn´t be so special if it happened once a week, or even once a year. And it´s not
supposed to last. The kind of happiness I´m talking about has absolutely nothing to do with being content or
secure. Security is overrated I think. I need danger to feel alive. I need fear. People say: ”There is nothing to fear
but fear itself”. And I say that´s bullshit. If you have nothing you´re afraid of losing then you have nothing worth
keeping. Some people call that freedom but then they´re only thinking about earthly possessions. They must still
be afraid to lose that freedom. I´m terrified of not being scared. Happiness is not tainted by fear. It is glorified by
it. I do not feel it in secure situations. But I do feel this inner security which is based on the knowledge that I
really would pay, and sometimes have paid, anything for this. If that inner security couldn’t withstand the test of a
little outward insecurity then it wouldn´t be worth all that much. It´s like, when I´m hitch-hiking at night. That´s a
very insecure situation, standing on the highway in pitch blackness looking for headlights. The world seems so
immense. And I so little, but yet so solid. In that situation I feel happy and very secure. My inner security is put
to the test and withstands it. ”Value for fear”, yes indeed. Happiness can also be little things like sweet dreams
and delicious nightmares. Dancing, singing, composing, listening to music, watching movies. Letters. I love
writing letters and I love getting them. If I´d written books instead my output would probably have equalled
Barbara Cartland´s ho ho ( the actual content however is quite different). To help your cat deliver her kittens.
That´s so beautiful. When they´ve settled down having their first milk and the mother purrs and the kittens purr.
They sound like miniature motorbikes or something. I feel so honoured by this trust my cat displays in me letting
me be her midwife. Regrettably, there are too many unwanted cats and I don’t want to add to their numbers so
I´ve had my cats sterilised. The weather can make me happy sometimes. The first spring day. Or a thunderstorm
over the lake at night. That´s just amazing and I´ve only seen it once. There are so many little things that make
you happy. Actually I feel very happy answering this question just thinking about all those sweet things. And
some not so sweet. Being extremely, ecstatically angry also makes me happy. Deliberately hurting someone I
don’t like. Saying exactly what I think about someone, never mind the consequences. Or allowing myself to be
extremely childish and silly. Perhaps happiness is when you allow yourself to be you. Yes, I think that´s it.
Whenever I feel happy I always have this feeling of ”this is really me”. What do I do when I´m happy? Well that
depends. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I put my clothes on and sometimes I take them off.
Sometimes I talk a lot and sometimes I enjoy the silence. The only thing that almost always happens is that I
forget to eat. My weight is a good indication of my state of mind. 43-45: total ecstasy. 45-47: very good. 47-49:
could definitely be better. 50-55: disaster (no, I´m not telling you what I weigh right now). What a pity it doesn´t
work the other way round. Lose weight and be happier. But perhaps it´s a blessing really. I´m quite thin enough
as it is and if I could get any happier by starving myself I´d probably disappear altogether.”
I really wish I had that problem myself. It must be great to lose weight just because you´re happy, I seem to gain
weight whatever state I´m in, well that´s not true but almost.
LONELINESS
When I first heard about l.S I thought to myself, ”This person must be quite fascinated by loneliness”, and when
I later found out she had also played in a band named ALLEIN I just knew she must be, and since that day I´ve
been dying to know why?
-”If you´re referring to the names ALLEIN and LA SOLITUDE, well actually, I didn´t come up with those (if I
remember correctly, Elisabeth did). But I guess you could say I´m fascinated by loneliness, though not at all the
negative aspects usually associated with the word.
”If you fear loneliness, turn it into solitude and rejoice”
Fay Weldon
Being alone is not necessarily the same thing as feeling lonely. I need to be alone a lot. I always have. When I
was about 4 years old I started to think a lot. I had a very vivid imagination and I would just stand or sit doing
absolutely nothing, totally absorbed by what went on inside my head. The grown-ups around me thought I was
unhappy. The general idea was that happy children should be playing. They couldn’t understand that I was
playing. It was just that the games went on inside my head. I was perfectly happy. Or I would have been if they´d
just left me alone. But they didn´t. My mother started dragging me to see children’s psychiatrists. And all through
my childhood she kept nagging about me not spending enough time with other children. She always introduced
me to prospective playmates. There was nothing wrong with them, but since I saw socialising as an unpleasant
duty I had to perform in order to satisfy my mother I developed a distaste for human beings. It still remains to
some degree. I can be very sociable but most of the time I sort of walk around with a ”Please don’t disturb sign”
on my forehead. And then when I went to school. There was so much I was supposed to do. There was
homework, TV, sports, socialising etc. When was I supposed to think? Well I stayed up all night thinking,
spending time with myself and consequently fell asleep during lessons instead (no great loss actually). I believe a
mind needs other people to develop. But it also needs time to itself. No one is ever going to stop me from
thinking again and no one is going to stop me from sleeping. And when I socialise I shall do so because I want to,
not because it´s expected of me (and certainly not with anyone). If that´s not normal I just say ”Fuck Normality” .
I want to be happy, not normal. I can be happy on my own. I have this beautiful summerhouse in the middle of a
forest by a lake. Really ”end of the world”. Sometimes I don’t see anyone for a week. Anyone human that is. I do
have my 3 lovely cats around and they are much better company than most people. I love that. Just getting into
the essence of existence. Go swimming at night. If it´s a warm night and you´re able to stand still in the water you
can socialise with the fishes ha ha. Well why not? People socialise with whales and dolphins so why not fishes.
They´re actually quite friendly if you don’t scare them. I feel so at home in the water. Regrettably I have
extremely sensitive ears so I can´t stay underwater for long periods of time. Or you can go out into the forest at
night and be soaked in moonlight. There´s so much life in the forest at night. I certainly don’t feel lonely. I can
feel very alone in a crowd, I´m not especially interested in people (there are exceptions of course). I´ve never
been able to figure out what´s wrong with talking to yourself. That´s communication too. There are so many
different people within you. What´s really happening when you´re thinking is that those different people are
having a conversation. And unless you´re a hermit who never sees anyone, what you say to yourself will
eventually have its effect on other people. Everything is about communication. But before you try to
communicate with other people you should learn how to communicate with yourself, to find strength from within
yourself. Most people seem to get their strength from sucking the marrow out of other people. So if there´s no
one around to feed their egos they feel empty. Oh sure. I do it too. I feed on the admiration of others. But at least
I recognise it´s silly and laugh at myself for doing it. When you´re alone you learn to question the significance of
all those petty things people seem to be so hung up on. You see what is really important. You know what you
really want. Going through your life desperately trying to make an impression on other people seems a silly thing
to do. I´d much rather make an impression on myself. I´d rather love myself than other people. Or rather, if I
didn´t love myself I don’t think I´d be able to love other people. If you spend too much time with other people
and none by yourself you start judging yourself by their standards, and them by yours. And that´s the main reason
for communication breakdown. You assume the words and actions of others mean the same thing they would
have, had you done or said those things. They don’t. People are different. They have different customs. They use
words in different ways. I find that extremely fascinating. It might be something totally inoffensive like the way
me and my sister never seem to agree on the shapes of faces. She says I have a thin, heartshaped face while I
think my face is rather broad and oval shaped. We have the same disagreement about almost every face. This
argument, in itself, is not very interesting. But the reason for the argument is. It´s not that we see things
differently. We use words in different ways. And this is of course true about more emotionally potent words than
thin, broad, heartshaped etc. Me and a friend have this argument about the words pity and compassion. To me
pity is something you feel towards someone you despise. In order to feel compassion you have to respect, and to
some extent understand the object for this compassion. But to him those words mean the same thing. So unless
I´m aware of this I could get extremely insulted if he was to say ”I pity you”. And he wouldn´t have a clue as to
what an horrible insult I´d just thrown at him if I said it to him (which of course, I´d never do since I respect
him). You should never judge people by your own standards. In fact, you shouldn’t judge them at all. And you
should certainly not be bothered by their judgement of you. The only person with the necessary qualifications to
judge you is yourself. Take something like bravery. How can you possibly measure something like courage if you
don’t know what the person is afraid of. Some people are much more afraid of being called cowards, or seeing
themselves as cowards, than anything else, including death. So being a coward could be the greatest bravery
imaginable. I always get so irritated when people call me brave when I do something they´re afraid of doing but I
don’t have any problem with whatsoever. Like going on stage. That can be a very brave thing to do if you have a
stage-fright. And if I know about it I admire it tremendously. But I don’t have a stage-fright. I´m terrified of
making phone calls. But that´s such a commonplace thing. Most people do it every day. So I don’t get credit for it
when I show real courage and call someone up. Only I know the effort it took. So I guess I´ll just have to admire
myself ha ha. Be my own heroine, my own judge. To find the heroes and heroines in other people I think you
must first learn to be your own hero/heroine. Also, to love someone, you must first learn to love yourself, with all
your faults and imperfections. People are not perfect. And love is not about trying to change those aspects of a
personality you don’t like. You cannot begin to understand until you realise that you don’t understand. When we
realise that, then we can REALLY start to communicate. Being self-sufficient is in no way opposed to being
communicative. And being alone, thinking, is at least for me a process that enables me to get better at
communication with others. I do it on my terms. I want it, but I don’t need it. I can be desperate so see someone
special but I´m never desperate for company. I think it´s a shame the way our culture totally ignores the positive
aspects of being alone. Look at the gossip columns. If someone’s broken up with her boyfriend and is seen out
with someone else they immediately go ”Ah, that´s why she looks so happy and content. She´s found someone
new”. Or the way people always inform whether someone´s ”taken” or not if I say he is sexy or good-looking. I
mean, Holy Cow! I wasn´t planning on marrying the guy. Maybe I wouldn´t want to do anything but look. I think
it´s degrading the way people always assume you´re dissatisfied when you don’t have a steady partner or when
you don’t have lots of friends. Being alone has no status. Well fuck status! I feel so privileged. And I intend to go
on enjoying that privilege.”
I think our childhoods were quite similar. I also went to a psychologist when I was about 7-8 years old, but I
didn´t really understand why, I thought it was great fun though. I escaped school and got to play all by myself,
and even though the psychologist observed me all the time she never disturbed me so I was satisfied. Oh fuck,
this interview isn´t about me, it´s about Brandy so let´s get back to her.
SUCESS
People who have heard l.S, know their music is very original, but still, they´re almost unknown in the so-called
”underground”. And I was wondering, what does Brandy think the reason is for this?
-”First of all I´m lazy and not at all interested in the promotional side of the business. No, that´s not true. I´m not
lazy. Not if I want something very much. I work very hard for the things I really want. So I guess the problem, if
problem there is, is that I don’t want it enough. Success is overrated I think. ”I wish I was a nobody” ha ha. Well
that´s not about success. It´s about the negative aspects of being respected, or rather, when respect is confused
with fear. But it´s true I´d rather be a nobody than a desperate wanna-be or a pathetic has-been. I care about being
a success in my own eyes. And that I am. If I had more success I´d sell more and be able to release more and
better produced material. But I wouldn´t write more or better songs. And the more people you reach, the more
misunderstood you get. At this stage I can correct a lot of misunderstandings since I have personal contact with
quite a few of my easily numbered listeners. I don’t care what people think but I care one hell of a lot about being
in total control of the material on which they base their estimations. The bigger you get, the harder it is to keep
control. I certainly wouldn´t mind making a little money on my music but I don’t ever want to do it for a living. I
get a bit sickened when I hear musicians referring to their music-making as WORK. I also get sickened by the
attitude towards famous people. I´ve seen friends act totally ridiculous when someone just a little bit famous is
around. I wouldn´t want that cheap flattery. And I wouldn´t want people to be afraid to talk to me. Fear and
flattery, that´s what you get. If it happened all by itself I wouldn´t fight it. I wouldn´t stop making music because
people listened to it. That would be ridiculous. But since it has its drawbacks as well as its advantages I just
figure if it happens, let it, and if it doesn´t I´m no worse off. It´s their loss, not mine. I´m not prepared to work
very hard at getting famous. Also, I´m extremely difficult to work with. There seems to be 2 categories of
musicians. Those who want to have fun. And those who want to be famous. I want to have fun alright. And I do.
But I´m also very serious about what I´m doing. And I just hate it when people won´t rehearse because the
weather’s too good or something. But on the other hand, who can blame them? You can´t really expect
dedication from people who get neither fame, money or freedom to create (well they have some freedom of
course, but it´s my band and my songs and it´s certainly not very democratic). Furthermore, I´m dreadfully
impractical. I´m all ideas and enthusiasm but when it comes to technical details I´m disastrous. So I need other
people to get my ideas across. But I´m not ready to pay the price for their participation. Finally, sometimes I
think, if I really went for it, it would be almost too easy ha ha. It´s much more of a challenge to really try to keep
your integrity and not succumb to that little part of me who does want to be successful in the eyes of other
people. This way, I don’t get to do very much. But on the other hand I´m very proud of most things I have done.
I´ve had my fifteen minutes. And I wouldn´t mind fifteen minutes more. But I´m not at all sure I´d like a whole
hour if you get my meaning.”
I really hope that l.S will ”make it” so that they can continue to release material, and therefore I command you
to buy at least their latest cassette ”Call My Demons”, I promise you wont be disappointed. If you hesitate, at
least check them out on the Moriensis Prod. compilation (see review elsewhere) or on Geigersound 1 that
comes with the Swedish Synth/related music mag Geigermeeter#3
COMPETITION
Well, I don’t have any more questions so I guess this interview is over. The last word is yours.
-”This interview turned out rather serious. Let´s have some fun. How about a competition? I invite all you readers
(did anyone manage to read this far?) to write an essay entitled: The slow and exceedingly painful death of 1.
Dolores O´Riordan. 2. Liam and Noel Gallagher. 3. Carl-Jan Granqvist. (choose the one you hate the most). The
best essay (i.e the most cruel) will be rewarded with a free copy of our cassette ”Call My Demons”.” Send them
to:
