Historier från föregående veckor.
Gorilla Removal
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.
"Boy," is the man's response.
"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there.", says the service guy.
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, Chihuahua, shotgun, and a pair of hand cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions:
"Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite
the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."
The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
The service guy replies, 'If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua'
Hate Fridays.
A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to
talk to an admittance counsellor. He thinks to himself "I know I've led a wild life, but I wasn't that bad. I never
thought it would come to this." Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy
heart, he walks up to the counsellor.
Counsellor: "What's the problem, you look depressed?"
Guy: "Well, what do you think? I'm in hell."
Counsellor: "Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Counsellor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey,
rom, tequila, beer, whatever you want, and as much a you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Counsellor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes
available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead!
Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"
Guy: "Well in my younger days I experimented a little; never inhaled."
Counsellor: "You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you
don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?"
Guy: "Yes, I love to gamble."
Counsellor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots,
horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?"
Guy: "Well, no I'm not."
Counsellor: "Oh," he grimaces, "You're gonna hate Fridays....."
THE LITTLE OLD LADY AND THE BET
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day,carrying a bag of money. She insisted that
she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much humming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!).
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and
dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this
cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much money.
" I make bets" the little old lady said.
"What kind of bets?" asked the bank president.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
" That's an absurd bet!"
"Well, will you take it?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me
tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side
to side,again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and
that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 AM, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's
office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet:
"$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied.
The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady,
"What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
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